Manic Monday and the Love for Anxiety (sike...)

It's Monday morning, and this is what my Monday morning consisted of...

Often times, I am used to getting up with minimal time to get ready.

This is not something I can control, but it's something that I have to deal with.

I shouldn't have to accept it, but in a way, I do

(if I am going to get any help at all, half assed or not).

I don't want to seem ungrateful, but this is why it's so hard to accept physical help. It's so hard to lose that part of your independence!

I don't think I will ever get over it, or at least it feels that way.

It seems like I am working with them more than they are working with me.

I get up most mornings with 20-40 minutes to get ready to go.

That includes getting out of bed, unplugging my wheelchair, getting into my wheelchair, trying to get my basic hygiene done, and hoping I look like something going out the door.

Often, I am scrambling to make it out the door with my socks and shoes on, honestly. not counting the stuff I have to grab to take to work.

Usually, I like to have at least 2 or 2 and a half hours to get ready for work so I don't have to half ass getting ready, possibly have time to put something on my stomach, and look like an actual human being.

My ride gives me a thirty minute pickup window, so they are able to show up any time between that 30 minute window. Most of the time, they only wait five minutes.

I find myself these days, hoping that they are running towards the end of my thirty minute window, just so I have a little more time to get ready.

I have been riding with this transportation company for quite some time now.

Most of them are pretty cool and willing to wait a little longer so that I will actually make it to where I have to go. Most of the time, that means work.

Yet, it seems like my help either doesn't get it or doesn't care to take it seriously.

I'm not sure.

I have tried to explain that the reason I go through anxiety early in the morning is because I am literally racing against time. Most times, it feels like I am doing the bare minimum to get ready anyway!

Often times, I am told "I don't understand why you are getting so worked up. You are just going to have to not do everything. That's all! Omit the stuff that you can't get finished until you get home!"

While I am being told this, I am thinking "What am I doing that is extra? I am barely doing what I need to do!!"

Other times, I am told "Stuff happens. Sometimes you miss work!"

Here's the thing... It's never my choice. It's always someone else's choice...at least usually.

I am always told anxiety doesn't help you get things done, and it makes things worse.

Well, DUH! That's why I hate it. So, can you help me out and give me at least an hour to get ready??

Thoughts like this constantly are my morning thoughts on a daily basis, and that's exactly what happened this Monday morning.

I don't want to seem entirely negative, but just like everyone else, it's not always sunny and smooth and puppy dogs and unicorns.

It's real life. It's just that mine plays out a little differently.

My biggest stressors are the most simple and common things that the average person would not have to think about. Honestly, I can say that having reliable help is my biggest stressor of life right now!

So, after getting over my anxiety filled Monday morning, I just took it as a way of God saying that I could use today as an extra rest day.

Don't dwell on it and tomorrow is a brand new day!

Certain times, it can be harder than other times going through this.

Not only do I miss work if this happens at times, but I also miss other plans after work such as appointments, meetings, etc... it makes me have to rearrange my whole entire day due to planning my ride after work, and unfortunately, it's not something I can change last minute or change half and not do the other half.

My transportation doesn't work like that!

Uber and Lyft are not options for me, nor is hopping in just anyone's car.

I need an accessible van and $25,000, but I don't play lottery, so please comment if you have advice! Just putting it out there (Lol!)

So, today I just took the loss, and took it as a rest day and watched SVU on Hulu all day! The rest of my week is busy. I have to work tomorrow and then go vote. Wednesday, I have my makeup getting done and then a small photo shoot. Thursday I have to work, and then Friday is another appointment. I am constantly praying, and I am going to believe that the rest of the week is going to go relatively smooth

and that I am going to do what I need to get done, Thank you, Baby Jesus!

Thank you guys for letting me vent! I promise that the next blog will be happier!

Until next time, as I always say, please continue to show your support!

I thank you very much in advance!

Always feel free to comment, share, and subscribe!

Wishing you all a restful evening and sending love to all!

~Kamie ~

P.S. I'm very critical of any photos of me! So, if I happen to actually like one that I take on Wednesday, I'll be putting it as my new blog photo! So, stay tuned, and hopefully I will blog about my photo shoot!